Let’s re-write another NWS alert

This recent alert was screaming “re-write” when it came in last night.   So here goes:

The Original

HEADLINE: Heat Advisory issued June 17 at 10:38PM EDT until June 18 at 8:00PM EDT by NWS Buffalo

DESCRIPTION: …HEAT ADVISORY REMAINS IN EFFECT FROM 10 AM TO 8 PM EDT
MONDAY
* LOCATIONS…Niagara, Orleans, Monroe, Wayne, Northern Cayuga,
Oswego, Genesee, Livingston, and Ontario counties.
* TIMING…From late Monday morning through early Monday evening.
* HEAT INDEX VALUES…In the upper 90s.
* IMPACTS…The combination of hot temperatures and high
humidity levels will result in a potential for heat-related
illnesses if proper precautions are not taken.

INSTRUCTIONS: A Heat Advisory means that a period of hot temperatures is
expected. The combination of hot temperatures and high humidity
will combine to create a situation in which heat illnesses are
possible. Drink plenty of fluids…stay in an air-conditioned
room…stay out of the sun…and check in on relatives and
neighbors.
Take extra precautions if you work or spend time outside. when
possible…reschedule strenuous activities to early morning or
evening. Know the signs and symptoms of heat exhaustion and heat
stroke. Wear light weight and loose fitting clothing when
possible and drink plenty of water.
To reduce risk during outdoor work…the occupational safety and
health administration recommends scheduling frequent rest breaks
in shaded or air conditioned environments. anyone overcome by
heat should be moved to a cool and shaded location. Heat stroke
is an emergency – call 9 1 1.

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Our Re-write, based on the Mileti principles:

HEADLINE: NWS Buffalo: High Temperature Danger on Monday, June 18 from 10AM to 8:00PM EDT

* SOURCE: NWS Buffalo

* HAZARD: Heat index in the high 90s starting at 10AM Monday.  Hot weather and high humidity means a risk of heat illness, heat exhaustion or heat stroke.

* LOCATIONS…NY State: Niagara, Orleans, Monroe, Wayne, Northern Cayuga, Oswego, Genesee, Livingston, and Ontario counties. (a link to a map here would make so much sense.)

* GUIDANCE …From 10AM Monday, drink plenty of fluids…stay out of the sun and in air-conditioning where possible…and check in on relatives and neighbors.
If outside, do these things, if possible: limit high-effort activities to early morning or evening. Wear light weight and loose fitting clothing. Drink plenty of water.  Schedule rest breaks every hour in the shade or cooler area. Anyone overcome by heat should be moved to a cool and shaded location. Call 9 1 1 if heat stroke or exhaustion is suspected.

* EXPIRES… Early Monday evening (8PM).

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Not only does this reduce the number of words, but we cut the reading level required by 1-2 grades and went from “fairly difficult” to “fairly easy” to read. (Here’s the test we used.)

This could also be improved on.  For example, a link to a resource explaining the symptoms of heat exhaustion/stroke would be helpful.   And the words “overcome by heat” are ambiguous.  Listing some symptoms, such as “feeling faint, dizzy or weak” would be much more clear.

To make a template out of this, we could do it this way, making the assumption that there is a weather forecast that lets us choose a start time:

* SOURCE: {Source}

* HAZARD: Heat index in {Heat index} starting at {Start time}. Hot weather and high humidity means a risk of heat illness, heat exhaustion or heat stroke.

* LOCATION {Location}

* Guidance: From {Start}, drink plenty of fluids…stay out of the sun and in air-conditioning where possible…and check in on relatives and neighbors.
If outside, do these things, if possible: limit work or exercise to early morning or evening. Wear light weight and loose fitting clothing. Drink plenty of water.  Schedule rest breaks every hour in the shade or a cooler area. Anyone overcome by heat should be moved to a cool and shaded location. Call 9 1 1 if heat stroke or exhaustion is suspected.

* EXPIRES… {Expiration time}.

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